Here’s another free Christmas Card to download. I like it because of the reflection of the tree. Do you know how long it takes to draw each of these little stars??? A long time…but I really enjoy it.
Here is one of my newest creations…but for more cards go to The Serendipity Effect.
This is a question posed by an online reader:
I was just wondering, it appears to me that there seems to be a large segment of the people who ask us questions are women with abusive boyfriends or husbands. My question is why do women insist in staying in abusive environments?
My job during the day is working in a Salvation Army Shelter as the director of security with A daily flow of 1100 clients, it boggles my mind when i watch these women get tormented by their mates, yet they stay and take it. Why?
Answer:
This type of “ignorance” (and I do not mean that in a derogatory manner towards you) is a great deal of the problem when it comes to fighting domestic violence. Here is a portion of my page on domestic violence (and I’m a trained DV shelter worker) (The entire page can be seen at http://www.geocities.com/~rainbowstar/sp/domvio.html
Many ask why a woman would stay in an abusive relationship. There are five basic reasons most women stay.
Tradition. An abused woman often comes from a violent home and feels that such abuse is inevitable. She may believe that this is the way love is supposed to be because that is how “love” was expressed in the home where she grew up.
Humiliation. She doesn’t want anyone to know that she is being beaten or that her partner is an abuser. Whether to protect the family name (often at the urging of other family members) or because they do not believe they deserve any better or to keep others from finding out that they made a mistake, women hide the bruises and pretend everything is all right. They go on hoping their abuser will change.
Children. Women fear losing their children in the legal system. They have often been told by their abusers that they are not capable of taking proper care of their children. If the abuser comes from a wealthy family, they’re often threatened with lengthy and costly legal custody battles they cannot afford to fight.
Fear. Many abusers threaten to hunt down and seriously injure or even kill the woman and even her children. The women are threatened with isolation and/or alienation from family and friends. Threats against the woman’s family or place of employment also serve to keep her tied to her abuser.
Financial. Many women don’t believe they can make it on their own, especially if children are involved. In fact, most women who leave an abusive relationship DO find their standard of living drops drastically while that of their abuser often rises. Abused women have often been isolated and/or alienated from family and friends and have no support network to fall back on. Many women are not aware of the resources available and how to tap into them.
Abuse comes in many forms and is intended as a means of control. Just as rape is not about the sex, but about power, abuse is NOT about what the victim did or did not do, but about the power the abuser has over the victim. Regardless of what a victim may do, even if she becomes abusive herself (in which case she is responsible for HER actions only), the choice to abuse is ALWAYS the responsibility of the abuser. Being drunk or high is no excuse and should not be accepted as an excuse by the victim, the police or the courts.
The long term effects on a woman’s psyche cannot be stressed enough. The effect of the abuse is to undermine the woman’s trust in her own abilities to the point where she feels completely dependent on her abuser and incapable of making any sort of right choice for her life or for her children. So she stays with her abuser because she’s so sure that she’s going to screw it up even worse if she tries on her own.
THE MOST important thing you can do for an abuse victim (of any gender) is to EMPOWER them. To that end, NEVER make a decision for a survivor. If they say “What can I do?” you give them a list of options. If they say “Which should I pick?” DO NOT tell them. Let THEM make the choice and then do what you can to help them put that choice into action. You may not agree with it (especially if they choose to return to their abuser) but you are telling them “I believe that you can make the right choice for you at this point in time. I believe that YOU know what you need more than I do.” In time, that message sinks in. If you take control of their life by making decisions for them, they will eventually see you as just another abuser.
I’m not even going to get into how modern society and the media still feel women are nothing more than sex objects for men….
Hope this helps you understand a bit more.
The other day I watched a movie, or the tail end of the movie, with David Schwimmer. I have no idea the name of the movie but what I took away from the movie was this: “True love cannot be found where it does not exist; and, true love cannot hide from where it does truely exist.”
To me, this was pretty profound. As much as we love someone, or think we love someone - if we don’t…we can’t make it happen. And, if we do love someone but want to hide it…we can’t.
I’ve lived in many countries over the past 10 years and enjoyed just about every minute. Because of this, I feel I can voice my opinion on people going from one country to another. Many US citizens detest the idea of Mexicans, Cubans, Dominicans or Puerto Rican’s trying to live in the US. Now granted, some enjoy the government footing the bill…but isn’t that an American way of life? American’s who don’t work still eat, still enjoy living in their homes and still enjoy free medical care. However, in Mexico, for example, if you don’t work you don’t eat. Mexico wants their people to work and because their country doesn’t foot the bill - they have to work. Why does the US foot the food bill for Americans? Makes no sense to me. If you don’t work - you don’t eat.
Now, as far as Mexicans or Haitians or Cuban’s “coming to American”…who cares? The US has lots and lots of land that is still undeveloped, unlike China, right? It’s not like the people that come illegally do so to hurt the US…but to help the US in whatever small way they can. These people actually LOVE the United States. These immigrants come to the US and are willing to do work for less than any greedy American I know. When was the last time you asked an out-of-work American to clean the toilets for less than $10 an hour? It’s a toilet for God’s sake. It has less germs than the keyboard of your computer!!! Yet, most Americans of any race consider themselves too good for the job and refuse to do the job for less than $10 an hour.
Now, I have lived in the Dominican Republic. This same situation occurs there as well, so the US is singled out only as being a very large and prosperous country. If you are Dominican and you see a Haitian (Haiti shares the same island as the DR), that has worked very hard to get into the DR, you shun them, walk on the other side of the street or worse, hurt them. Do you know that there are grain trucks that carry rice throughout the Dominican Republic that have Haitians (because they work for less than 25 cents a day) scoop the rice with buckets? Sometimes they work too hard and die or they get hit by a car. Know what the Dominican truck owner does? They simply throw the body into the field and hire another Haitian. No big deal. Their mindset is that the people from Haiti are no better, or worse, than a bug you would squash for getting in your way.
People! We are talking about human lives here? Why is one life valued at less than another? Why does it ask your race on many applications? (unless your race is a marathon in NYC) Why does race come into any conversation other than finding out a way to solve this problem? And, why can Mexicans not come to the US to do the jobs that Americans are to darn lazy to do or “think” they are too good for? Instead, they’d rather sit on their butts and collect government money - because their too good for ANY job.
Lord knows these immigrants would never apply for government money because their illegal; most aren’t a part of some drug cartel or gang - like the ones that exist in the US started by US citizens…so why are American’s so shallow and selfish to share their country with others? Isn’t that a part of what America is all about? Sharing??? Please, help me understand.
Green Tomato Relish -
Green Tomato Relish is a wonderful compliment to any meat, and makes tuna, potato and macaroni salads to die for. And, as tasty as it is to eat…its even better when you give it away, especially during the holidays.
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Artichoke Salad
The perfect salad to accompany any pasta dish.
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Caesar Salad Dressing
The best Caesar Salad Dressing you’ll ever taste!
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